Old Eli's Storytelling, Part One

This story was told to inaugurate the Bardic Storytelling series on October 6th, 1996. The part of Old Eli was played by Ptah.

'Dy'ye spose y'all can shut up so's I can start talkin' this year?' Old Eli says, disgruntled. 'Not like I ain't old enough to die any minute.'

Old Eli peers around the room intently.

Old Eli snorts derisively.

'Y'all are as bad as river rats on a drunk,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli closes the door.

'Mebbe that'll keep the riffraff outta here,' Old Eli says.

'Hey, you,with the funny name,' Old Eli says to Lunatic.

'Hush up, eh?' Old Eli says to Lunatic.

Old Eli snickers softly.

Old Eli says, 'Howzabout everyone here shushes up so I kin start yarning, before I have to go to bed?'

Old Eli grumbles.

''Cept me, natch,' Old Eli says.

'Lissen up folks, if the emoting and the standing and sittin and the yakkin don't stop, I'll just go on home,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Gettin so a feller can hardly get a word in edgewise these days, let alone hold a thought in his poor head.'

Old Eli says, 'My name's Eli, and some as call me OLD Eli, as if they knew what old was.'

'And I got asked to tell ya a few yarns about the days when I was relatively young--'bout as young as most of yall here, only better lookin, natch,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'In partickler, I was thinkin of tellin yall about a boy I knew once, who grew up to be what folks used to call a cattleman.'

'None of this here gussied up Hollywood stuff they call cowboys, mind,' Old Eli says.

'What's a cowboy look like, young feller?' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman. 'Eh, you tell me that!'

Old Eli pokes an inquisitive Scotsman in the ribs.

An inquisitive Scotsman shrugs to himself.

Old Eli sits back.

'Hat, leather?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'At least ye got the gumption to say you dunno.'

Old Eli wheezes in laughter.

Alpha raises his hand "I know what they look like!"

Lunatic says, 'Hes got the lasso bow legs a 6-shooter and hes got like a cowboy hat.'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Smelly old men with ugly teef!'

A sadistic lunatic says, looking very sorry, 'Billy Crystal?'

A thuggish teenager waves a Colt revolver.

'Onna these!' a thuggish teenager says, halo firmly in place.

'They have the head and torso of a human, but the rest is a cow,' Alpha says.

A thuggish teenager says, 'They carried colt's!'

A thuggish teenager waves a Colt revolver.

BlahSnarto says, 'No, they look like clint eastwood.'

Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old, 'Well now, missy, smelly I'll grant ye, not that anyone was sweet-smellin back in 1846.'

FlyingFox nods his agreement with BlahSnarto.

'I sit corrected them's grendels,' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

A thuggish teenager laughs at a hyperactive five-year-old.

'Naw...Michael J. Fox...' a sadistic lunatic says.

A thuggish teenager giggles.

'That's causa they didn't SHOWER!' a hyperactive five-year-old says to Old Eli.

A thuggish teenager says, 'You might be a redneck if your belt buckle is bigger than your shoe.'

BlahSnarto says, 'Anyways .. continue Old Eli .'

'Well, maybe I can draw yall a picture then, a picture in words,' Old Eli says. 'Try to imagine yerself with a kid huddlin' in a closet.'

'This kid's name is Duke,' Old Eli says. 'He gets razzed about it time to time, on account of him being no more than a prentice nohow.'

'And he's living up in hoity-toity Bahston,' Old Eli says.

'He's a prentice to a silversmith, but his master ain't about to let him touch the good metal... hs master ain't about to let him touch even the pewter,' Old Eli says.

'He's a-spendin' his days running errands and buying groceries from the market stalls for witchy Eleanor the master's wife,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'He was a scrapper who got into fights on account of his name.'

'How old are you Old eli ,' BlahSnarto says.

Old Eli says to BlahSnarto, 'Impolite rapscallion!'

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

Old Eli says, 'Anyway, back to young Duke.'

Old Eli says, 'Duke warn't no fan of bein a servant to his master's wife, twasn't what he signed on for.'

Old Eli says, 'So Duke set off at age eleven or thereabouts and began walkin'.'

Old Eli says, 'And he walked his way outta Boston, and he walked his way down through all that northern coutry.'

'He worked his way, and wasn't above a bit of stealin' if it came to that,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'He'd got hisself a method, ye see, he'd sneak up behind a farmer's cart and snag whatever he could off of the back end.'

Old Eli says, 'Sometimes there was fruit bound for market, and sometimes there was just hay, but even the hay made a decent place to sleep at night.'

'And when he drifted off to sleep under the stars, he would think to himself that there was no call in a world like that to be livin' under a roof in snooty Bahston where the taxes were high and the skirts were too low,' Old Eli says.

'And so it was that Duke worked his way southwards, growin' stronger and savvier as he went, and eventually he landed hisself in Mobile, Alabam,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Any of ye been to Mobile, or been to Alabama at all?'

'I have kin from there ,' BlahSnarto says.

Old Eli peers around the room intently.

BlahSnarto nods his agreement with Old Eli.

BlahSnarto says, 'Beautiful.'

BlahSnarto says, 'Er beautiful place .'

'Well, there's one thing about Mobile that ye just cain't forget,' Old Eli says to BlahSnarto.

'Carry a knife,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Specially if yer too young to get yerself a decent gun.'

'Duke found that out right soon, wanderin' around lookin for money,' Old Eli says. 'He'd got hisself a taste for the south, ye see.'

Old Eli says, 'Duke was lookin for a way to earn some cash, but in a town few would take on a kid who was clearly a runaway prentice.'

'And so he ended up doing what boys with time on their hands and who run away to the coast do... he stuck around the docks,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Duke was eyeing some of the riverboats, which he had a mind to stow away on, when an older feller started apprachin' HIM.'

Old Eli says, 'Now, Duke was a rassler, and he knew right off that this guy didn't have no good intentions and no hot meal for an orphan back at home.'

Old Eli says, 'He had tattoos and he had a glint in his eye and he had a sneer to his lips like he just got the cat and the cream and probably th cat's missus to boot.'

A hyperactive five-year-old raises her hand and asks, "What's a rassler?"

Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old, 'You know, rasslin, like grabbin a body and tumbling with them, no holds barred, none of the Queensbury stuff.'

'Oh, wrestling,' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

A hyperactive five-year-old giggles.

'And ain't that what I said?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli rolls his eyes heavenward.

'Rassling,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old, 'You talks funny, missy, but we'll be fixin THAT.'

A hyperactive five-year-old cringes away from Old Eli in mortal terror.

Old Eli wheezes, quite amused.

Alpha laughs at a hyperactive five-year-old.

'I likes how I talks just fine!' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

'So this here river rat was comin up on Duke, ready to do some serious business,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And Duke warn't having none of that.'

Old Eli says, 'Now, Mobile was a shippin point for all the cotton that came out of the fields in those days.'

Alpha says, 'What kind of business?'

Alpha says, 'I thought he wanted a job.'

'And the docks were piled high with bales,white fluff everywhere, gettin green and nasty on the docks,' Old Eli says.

Alpha sighs loudly.

Old Eli says to Alpha, 'Business, like maybe gutting him and sellin his clothes?'

Flidais goes EEK! at Old Eli in distress - isn't Old Eli an awful person for teasing?

Old Eli says, 'Ain't nobody going to miss a missing child who was a runaway and looked like he ain't fed in a week.'

'The Mobile docks were no friendly place in those days, what with the whips crackin on the backs of the slaves loading the boats with bales,' Old Eli says.

Flidais shivers uncomfortably.

'Duke took to his heels, and weaved right through the lines, right past the overseers, right past the whips,' Old Eli says. 'Shore nuff, a few fell over, and that meant a few blaes fell and near burst on the docks.'

'The big ol river rat took off after Duke, but this time the overseers weren't about to let a man through and mess up their rhythm,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'With a disturbance like that, a slave or two might even get hisself a notion to run away.'

Old Eli says, 'So they didn't hesitate, not at all.'

Old Eli says, 'They shouted, "Dadblamed idiot, get the hell out of the bearin line!" to the river rat.'

Old Eli says, 'And the river rat, face red and angry, cause a whip had caught him on the wrist, well he pulled his knife.'

Flidais gasps in astonishment.

Old Eli says, 'Whereupon may lightning strike me if there warn't five different gunshots.'

Old Eli says, 'And those overseers, they shot him dead, though at least one of 'em missed.'

'I know he missed, because right about then I was walkin by and it blew the hat off my head, and gave me a part in my hair I've never been able to shake,' Old Eli says.

A sadistic lunatic looks amazed.

Flidais gasps at Old Eli.

Old Eli takes his hat off, and shows off a scar on the top of his head.

A hyperactive five-year-old says to Old Eli, 'You should have a snake to guard your head, like me!'

A hyperactive five-year-old brandishes a small, coiled cobra menacingly.

Old Eli says, 'Well, there was cotton everywhere, and of course the sheriff and deputies are runnin to the scene,since knives were the PROPER way of settlin a dock dispute.'

Old Eli says, 'But there was cotton EVERYWHERE, and piles were driftin off into the water--white gold, some called it.'

Old Eli says, 'And so it was that one of them ship captains catches a glimpse of something movin in one of the bales on his boat.'

'What's that?' an inquisitive Scotsman says. 'What sky?'

'And he reached down into that bale, and hauled out a squirming little Duke,' Old Eli says.

BlahSnarto smiles happily.

Old Eli says, 'He looked down on that kid, and saw the red whip welt across the kid's face--that'ud leave a scar, he knew--and made a decision.'

A deranged young grendel arrives from a puff of smoke.

Old Eli says, '"Boy," he said, voice stern like a Britisher's... "Boy, you done cost me a LOT of cotton."'

Old Eli says, '"You know what we do to those as cost us money, boy?"'

'And Duke, he just tiled his chin up and said, "No sir, I sure don't, but if you whistle it, I'm sure you could get your slaves here to sing a purty blues out of it."' Old Eli says.

BlahSnarto snickers at Old Eli nastily.

'And that captain, he just bust out laughing. "Ain't my slaves, boy. I just run the cotton. Fact is, I'm short of help in running the boat. You think I might find myself a cabin boy?"' Old Eli says.

'And Duke said, Reckon so,' Old Eli says.

'And so it was that Duke found hisself learning the river trade,' Old Eli says. 'He didn't last long with that captain, but jumped ship once they hit the Mississippi. And there he stayed, for six whole years, larning himself the river trade.'

'He learned to thread the sandbars in that great river fine as a schoolmarm threads a needle, and he learned to call the changes like he knew the river intimate like,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And before none of you asks--no, he never did meet no dadblamed fool who'd call hisself after some depth marker.'

Old Eli says, 'Mark Twain, my sweet fanny.'

Old Eli grumbles.

Sabella giggles.

A sadistic lunatic smiles happily.

'What he did do is purty well by hisself,' Old Eli says. 'He worked up to master of his own boat.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Hmmmmmm....'

'That might have had something to do with the fact that he wasn't partickler honest,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'By the time he was seventeen and man high, he had the muscles of an ox, and the tongue of a sailor.'

Old Eli says, 'He could cuss a blue streak and he could wrassle a bear; he woulda charmed the ladies if he knew how to talk to 'em.'

'They tended to run when they saw him, though,' Old Eli says.

'Ye see, Duke liked to fight,' Old Eli says. 'Warn't a thing he preferred to do than have a good wrassle of an evenin.'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Did he wrestle gators?!'

Old Eli says, 'Mebbe it was the result of all those nights on the river, but warn't much he saw as better in this life than grabbin a feller from behind, twistin' his arm right behind, and maybe breakin it in two places.'

'He was muleheaded, but he warn't STUPID, missy,' Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old.

A hyperactive five-year-old giggles at Old Eli.

Old Eli says, 'His nose was broke maybe five times, before he larned that carryin a knife in the boot might save his good looks.'

'He used to wear a beard to cover up the scars on his cheeks and chin, till he larned that some like to grab the beard in a fight,' Old Eli says.

'So instead he went with stubble, cause he found that rubbin a stubbly chin in a wrassler's eye liable to make him have to back off a bit,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And he used to fight fair, till he found out that those as don't, might maybe get to rifle pockets when they're the last one left standing.'

'No, Duke was NOT a nice feller,' Old Eli says.

'He made his living transporting the cotton and the other goods along the river, since passengers were afriad they'd grow a second grin if they slept on his boat,' Old Eli says.

'You knew where that second grin would be, missy?' Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Huh?'

Old Eli draws a finger right cross his throat.

An inquisitive Scotsman looks confused.

A hyperactive five-year-old makes a grin across her throat.

'Right there, and when the head lolled back, boy, they was laughing then,' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old cringes away from Old Eli in mortal terror.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Oh!'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Aren't that messy?'

BlahSnarto says, 'Product of his environment.'

Old Eli says, 'But Duke was gettin a hankerin to move on, and so it was that when he got a letter from Jake Asner, he had a friend read it to him ten times.'

'He couldn't READ?!' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

A hyperactive five-year-old gasps in astonishment.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Jake who?'

'He didn't put no faith in Jake Asner--used to call him Jake-ass to his face, back when they both were hands on the river together, on the St,' Old Eli says. 'Mary.'

A hyperactive five-year-old attempts to take cover.

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Cusswords!'

Old Eli says, 'But Jake had gone and moved hisself out to the frontier soon after he had saved up enough for his own boat.'

'And Duke wasn't no fool, he could see that the way the electioneering was going, the Republicans were liable to take the White House, and he knew what that meant,' Old Eli says.

'Ye went deaf, milassie?' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Mrs. O'Leary.

'It meant that cotton warnt going to be coming out of Sweet Alabam too much longer,' Old Eli says.

'And that meant a real loss of livelihood for a man who worked the river,' Old Eli says.

'Why?' an inquisitive Scotsman says, looking innocent.

'Why would that stop th' cotton?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Why, because there was rumblings out of the ivy halls of the North that mebbe a man could stand on his own two feet no matter what color he was,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman.

'The Abolitionists had been pamphleteering all the way to New Orleans, and Duke had even had to push past 'em to get onto his boat some days,' Old Eli says.

'Ye arena a very nice person, are ye?' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli.

'They was allearnest young ladies with bonnets that had no idea of what made a country run, in HIS opinion,' Old Eli says.

'Now, Sir!' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman. 'I don't hold none with slavery, but Duke figgered it was his LIVING. And a man without a living, well, that's no man at all.'

'Why didn't he just PAY people to help him?' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Ah!'

A hyperactive five-year-old is completely boggled.

'And no, Duke was not a nice person, not atall, no sirree,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'I be sorry.'

Old Eli says, 'So it was that Jake Asner's letter, about the need for river boats on the Rio Grande, well, that was mighty interestin to a feller like Duke.'

'And Jake, he had a pro-po-sition,' Old Eli says. 'That they'd be partners, and mebbe make themselves a nice enough pile that they could move out of Texas in a few years, and buy themselves a stake somewhere semi-civilized.'

'And Duke thought this sounded rather appealin,' Old Eli says. 'Maybe he could find hisself a missus even.'

'And so it was that Duke set off for Texas, which roundabout then was having itself some troubles of its own,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'He took the sensible route, along the shore, past Matagorda all the way to Corpus Christi.'

'Past where?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'And behind him, well, durned if war didn't start up, and durned if ol' Jake-ass wasn't right--there was money to be made in Texas.'

'Long island off the coast, mostly sand and birds,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman.

Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman, 'He shot hisself a few, they was tasty eatin.'

Old Eli says, 'Once he got to Corpus Christi, he bought hisself a horse, and bought hisself a pack mule, and bought hisself a decent rifle.'

Old Eli says, 'And he set off to meet Jake Asner, who had promised him he'd be just a few miles inland.'

'Ah!' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli.

'Now, I dunno if any of ye know the country down in the Republic of Texas?' Old Eli says.

'I hev heard rumors,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Memememme,' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

Flidais shakes her head.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Mostly arid, plainish stuff.'

Old Eli says, 'Lemme put it to ye this way--when Duke was askin' the harbormaster in Corpus to be mindin his flatboat while he was away, the feller asked where he was headed.'

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

Old Eli says, 'And Duke said, "I's heading inland to meet up with my partner Jake Asner, who sails the Rio Grande."'

Old Eli says, 'And the harbormaster looked at Duke kind of funny--saw a stout Irish lad, black Irish with blue eyes and a stubbly beard--and said, "You look like a likly lad, you know where youse headed?"'

Old Eli says, 'And Duke said "I'm off to be rich!" and left.'

'Hmmmmmmm....' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'I was there when the harbormaster laughed in his face as he turned around,' Old Eli says. 'I know.'

Old Eli says, 'Cause the feller turned to me and said "There goes a dead man."'

Old Eli says, '"Why?" says I.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'How can ye laugh in someone's face if they turn around?'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Wouldna ye laugh in their hair?'

'"Because they call that country Dead Horse Desert, when they call it something polite."' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old says to an inquisitive Scotsman, 'He turned back, mebbe?'

'I'll demonstrate if ye leave,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman. 'If not, I'll go on with the story.'

Old Eli winks suggestively at an inquisitive Scotsman.

'A figure of speach ,' BlahSnarto says.

'Well, Duke was lucky,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman blushes bright red.

Old Eli says, 'He didn't get shot by bandidos.'

Old Eli says, 'He had enough water.'

Old Eli says, 'He didn't get killed by Indians neither.'

Old Eli says, 'The coyotes didn't get him in the night.'

A hyperactive five-year-old jumps up and down.

Old Eli says, 'He didn't get bit by a rattler, though he did find one in his kip once.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Kip?'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Wassa kip?'

Mad-Max smiles at Old Eli.

'What DO they teach younguns these days?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli sighs loudly.

A hyperactive five-year-old brandishes a rabid gecko menacingly.

Mad-Max says, 'Nothing.'

Mad-Max sighs loudly.

'How to shoot geckos!' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

'How to critique tactfully,' Gail says to Old Eli.

'Yer kip is yer stuff, your blankets and your rations and your life by a thin thread in Dead Horse Desert,' Old Eli says.

'Calculus biology...' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'No kipins,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

BlahSnarto grumbles.

A voice from the back of the room snarls out, 'it's that part of yer body dat alweeeys goes kipput first.'

Old Eli says, 'And so it was that Duke found hisself sleeping under the stars one night by Santa Anita Creek.'

Old Eli says, 'And there it was that that night Jake Asner near shot him dead as he lay on the bank.'

Old Eli says, 'But Jake was a powerful bad shot and missed, and Duke near to ripped his lungs out oncet he figured out what had woke him up.'

A sadistic lunatic says, 'The dog!'

Old Eli says, '"Honest, Duke, I just didn't recognize ya," Jake explained--he was a mite timid of Duke, since he knew Duke liked to rassle.'

'Wrestle,' Alpha says.

Old Eli says, '"Round these parts, a man sleeping on the bank is probably someone who wants ya dead!" Jake explained.'

'Oh!' an inquisitive Scotsman says. 'Your kit!'

'They do teach a lot of math and scieence,' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli.

An inquisitive Scotsman rolls around on the ground with laughter.

Old Eli says, 'Well, Duke didn't hold none with Jake, but he knew that Jake was longer in those parts than he was, so he remembered that advice, and it stood him good in later years.'

'I seem t' be a bit slow today,' an inquisitive Scotsman says. 'Too much alchohol, I guess.'

'Kip, thass what I said,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman. 'You knew, the doctors kin do something with yer speech im-ped-ment there, feller.'

'He's a man of simple tastes ,' BlahSnarto says to Alpha.

Old Eli wheezes and coughs, laughing hard.

An inquisitive Scotsman wobbles around unsteadily - better sniff his breath!

Flidais giggles at Old Eli.

BlahSnarto says to Alpha, 'And even simpler spelling.'

Old Eli snorts derisively.

A hyperactive five-year-old says to BlahSnarto, 'You'd talk like that if you didn't go to school either!'

Alpha nods his agreement with BlahSnarto.

'It's everyone else that has th' speech impediment!' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli. '10 out of 10 scotsmen agree!'

'Well, twarn't long before Duke got the hang of the business,' Old Eli says. 'It was really purty simple.'

'Grant was likely to pound the South afore too long, Duke figgered--though Jake bein a patriot, thought that Jefferson Davis was God, and Robert E Lee something slightly higher rankin than that,' Old Eli says.

'A patriot of th' south, I take it,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'But in the meantime, well, the plantations still had plenty of people workin' em, as the war made running away as a slave a short lifespan, and after all, people needed fed.'

'Where can I rent out?' Alpha says.

'Well, that was his COUNTRY, warnt it?' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman.

'The North might've been talking high morals about the rights of man, but fact was, their uniforms were made of cotton,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'They still drank and ate food grown south of the Mason-Dixon, and they still had to make money.'

'I guess, M'laddie,' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli.

'In fact, Duke suspected hisself that the war was about money, not about no rights of man nohow,' Old Eli says. 'He never knew a war fought for any reason but cash anyway.'

'And what it all boiled down to was that the cotton that the North wouldn't let off the docks at Mobile and New Orleans and Savannah--well,,' Old Eli says.

'They was POWERFUL eager to buy it if it shipped out of Corpus Christi,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'So eager, in fact, that they tended to ignore a little trade goin on along thru Oklahoma and Arkansaw.'

'They kind of let the cotton through there, and then it was into the Republic of Texas, which sided with the South but was sort of its own place, if you know what I mean,' Old Eli says.

'Then Jake and Duke shipped it on down through Texas from San Antone,' Old Eli says.

'Brought it out by caravan to Corpus, and made themselves a handy profit,' Old Eli says.

'Sometimes they shipped guns the other way, Jake bein' a bit of a patriot, as I said,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'All in all, by the time the war ended, well, Duke was sitting pretty.'

Mad-Max smiles at Old Eli.

'Now, some as call Duke a war profiteer, scum and a scoundrel,' Old Eli says.

'Some as call him a varmint whoshoulda stayed with the coyotes and the rattlers,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Them folks'ud be right.'

BlahSnarto senses a problem with Duke and Jake.

'Whaddaya think of this here feller Duke, the fighting Irishman with scares on his chin?' Old Eli says to Mad-Max.

Mad-Max eats some salted meat. Mad-Max looks up into the sky and ponders.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement. An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'I take it he thinks they should be eaten like salted meat?'

'Make love not war :P,' Mad-Max says to Old Eli.

Mad-Max giggles.

A hyperactive five-year-old cheers for Mad-Max - huzzah! An inquisitive Scotsman rolls around on the ground with laughter.

'Well they had to survive .. ,' BlahSnarto says.

'Oh, he was powerful good at that too, or so he thought,' Old Eli says to Mad-Max.

BlahSnarto says, 'True ?'

Mad-Max nods his agreement with Old Eli.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

'I just tell the stories, I don't judge them none,' Old Eli says to BlahSnarto.

BlahSnarto nods his agreement with Old Eli. 'Common sense would dictate it,' BlahSnarto says.

'This was a time when the United States Cavalry would be guarding a load of guns and cotton bound for the Confederacy, through land claimed by Mexico, led by a couple of crooks, during the Civil War,' Old Eli says.

'Don't seem to make a powerful lot of sense, but there you are, what?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

'Yikes!' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

BlahSnarto smiles at Old Eli.

Mad-Max smiles at Old Eli.

Old Eli says, 'Well, after the war, Jake fancied hisself a rich feller.'

A challenger from the wasteland listens to Old Eli intently.

Old Eli says, 'He bought hisself a waistcoat, and he bought hisself a gold watch.'

'He bought hisself a deed to a ranch in the middle of the Dead Horse Desert, that he never visited,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman gets a cup of freshly brewed coffee from a pot of fresh-brewed coffee.

'He bought hisself a wife,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Only problem was that he bought hisself somebody ELSE's wife.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'How d' ye buy a wife?'

Old Eli says, 'And so he bought hisself a grave.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Oh.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Uh-oh.'

Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman, 'Well, in my experience, ya finds one that has got a husband off in Kaintucky, and ye give her lots of jewelry and pretend to lissen up.'

Old Eli says, 'Leastways, that how jake did it.'

Sabella peers at Old Eli, looking him up and down.

Old Eli says, ''Cept the husband warn't in Kaintucky.'

Old Eli says, 'Which is why it ended so suddenlike.'

BlahSnarto puts a Wig on scotsman

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

'Uh-oh,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

An inquisitive Scotsman whaps BlahSnarto across the back of the head - your ears ring in sympathy.

A sadistic lunatic gets the chills.

Old Eli says, 'So it was that Duke found hisself sole partner.'

'He wakes up with a grin on his throat?!' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

BlahSnarto says, 'I knew it !'

'Actually, it was a pair o' holes in that waistcoat,' Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old. 'But The watch still worked just fine afterwards.'

An inquisitive Scotsman draws and quarters Blahsnarto

Old Eli says, 'Duke now had a load of good money.'

Old Eli says, 'He had a houseboat tied up there in Corpus.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says to BlahSnarto, 'I hope ye didna mind.'

'He had a few deeds to some land in the desert, and he had the business left by jake,' Old Eli says.

Mad-Max looks up into the sky and ponders.

Old Eli says, 'Oh, and a watch.'

'Ah!' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'The business on the river was dwindling away, what with the war over,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'So th' husband didna take it?'

Mad-Max nods his agreement with Old Eli.

Old Eli says, 'Cotton wasn't moldering on the docks of Mobile, anyhow, and times were rough ahead for a Texas riverman.'

Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman, 'No, he took the wife back.'

Mad-Max giggles.

Old Eli says, 'And he was looking for new business opportunities.'

'Ah..... and jake's life, I suppose,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Ahh the Good ole days,' BlahSnarto says.

Old Eli says, 'By this time, Duke was rich enough to hire hisself a man to wrassle with on nights he felt feisty.'

'He was borderline specktable,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli looks up into the sky and ponders.

'Well, maybe I cain't go THAT far,' Old Eli says.

Mad-Max giggles.

'But he was a known man round those parts,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'So known that when the new minister come down from San Antone, he done preached a lusty sermon 'gaint the perils of associatin with war profiteering cussin womanizin murderin stubblyfaced river scum.'

Sabella giggles.

'Uh-oh,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Duke was purty flattered by that, and carried hisself like a bantam cock for DAYS, I tell ye,' Old Eli says. 'A MINISTER! From San Antone! Who knew his name, and knew who Duke was.'

Mad-Max smiles happily.

'Went straight to his swelled up head, it did,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman rolls around on the ground with laughter.

'Umm ,' BlahSnarto says.

Mad-Max giggles at Old Eli.

BlahSnarto says, 'Nice Metaphore.'

An inquisitive Scotsman wakes Mrs. O'Leary.

Sabella raises her eyebrow at an inquisitive Scotsman.

'Is that like a semaphore?' Old Eli says. 'Ain't seen one of those in a long time, they use edison's fancy lights now at the train stations.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'For little shalindra's protection.'

Mrs. O'Leary lies down and goes to sleep.

Old Eli says, 'Anyways.'

Mad-Max rolls around on the ground with laughter.

A hyperactive five-year-old peers at an inquisitive Scotsman, looking him up and down.

BlahSnarto giggles.

A hyperactive five-year-old says to an inquisitive Scotsman, 'Ya think I don't learn this from my mommy?'

A young Portuguese waif bounces around.

Old Eli says, 'One time Duke was tending to business up in New Orleans.' Flidais disappears into the void.

'Oh,' an inquisitive Scotsman says to a hyperactive five-year-old. 'Ye should wash ye ears out.'

'Now, you gotta understand how Corpus was back then,' Old Eli says.

'Duke had his slip for his houseboat, and that was HIS slip,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Ain't nobody in Corpus gonna tie up in DUKE's slip.'

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Is that loike a deed?'

Old Eli says, 'If they did, well, Duke would cuss em, then he'd wrassle them, then he'd see if they sank or not.'

'Sometimes they woke up when they hit the water,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif giggles.

'After all, Corpus warnt civilized like San Antone, which had a fort and everything,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

Old Eli says, 'The Alamo they called it, and freshly garrisoned it was, too.'

'Anyhow, when Duke came back from Lousy-Annie, what d'ye think he found there in his slip?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli raises his eyebrow at a hyperactive five-year-old.

'A woman?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Someone else's boat maybe?'

A young Portuguese waif says, 'The Titanic?'

'Right y'are,' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old beams at Old Eli delightedly.

An inquisitive Scotsman only knows one definition for "slip"

'There in his slip, where his houseboat oughta have been a-restin, there was another houseboat,' Old Eli says.

'Ye know, the spot ont he dock wher eyou tie up yer boat,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman.

A hyperactive five-year-old whispers quietly to an inquisitive Scotsman. It sounded like 'It's a place you tie your boat on.' to you.

'Oh....' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'And this houseboat was some fancy tootin northerner houseboat, no less,' Old Eli says.

'It had spit-polished brass fittings,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'I dunna live near any navigable rivers.'

'It was big and tubby and floated like a banker in a horse trough,' Old Eli says.

'Well... not really,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'So Duke does what he figgered he oughter do.'

'He come sup on the deck,' Old Eli says.

'He lets his boat bump nice and easy into the other one,' Old Eli says.

'He creeps up onto the other deck,' Old Eli says.

'(knife in his boot, natch),' Old Eli says.

'He walks bold as brass up to the prow,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Not that that tubby scow had much of a prow, mind ye.'

Old Eli wheezes, amused.

Mad-Max giggles.

'And then he RANG that there bell, and it like to echoed as far as Austin,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

'And then he started in!' Old Eli says.

'And BOY did he have a tongue on him,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif giggles at Old Eli.

'He could turn a preacher red in five seconds,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Once he made a lawyer sputter so hard he choked and had to be carried out.'

A young Portuguese waif goes EEK! at Old Eli in distress - isn't Old Eli an awful person for teasing?

A young Portuguese waif gets a leather waterskin from a large duffel bag.

Old Eli says, 'He began by discussin the boat captain's ancestry, which mostly involved rattlesnakes and small rats.'

'Ydah, but my mommy could make HIM blush!' a hyperactive five-year-old says to Old Eli.

An inquisitive Scotsman gasps!

'Then he moved on to the captain's mother,' Old Eli says.

'He discussed the likely places that the mother spent her free time on weekends,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman covers shalindra's mouth, quickly

'He discussed where she had to wash after,' Old Eli says. Old Eli says, 'He went ON.'

Old Eli says, 'It was somethin to HEAR.'

An Arabian mystic raises an eyebrow inquiringly.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

Old Eli says, 'And by the time he had gathered up a full head of steam and was about to really GET PERSONAL--why--.'

'That was when this little voice said, "Pardon me."' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And he stopped, and the crowd on the shore caught its breath.'

'(Can't cuss that loud and not get a crowd in Corpus Christi),' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And then it was HER turn.'

A hyperactive five-year-old giggles.

A hyperactive five-year-old jumps up and down.

A young Portuguese waif giggles.

Old Eli says, 'And she said, in her nice voice like a sweet young schoolmarm--'cause that's what she WAS after all--.'

'An they got married an lived happily ever after an had 287427893 little twerps like Panzer and Rummy?' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

Old Eli says, '"I say, I surely don't think much of your breeding, if you believe that amusement can be derived from such impolite use of your decidedly uncivil vocabulary!"'

A sadistic lunatic looks sorry. An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

'While Duke was figgerin out what 'zactly tht meant, she done flounced over, grabbed a pole offa the rack, shoved his boat off, and then poked it at him,' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old whistles appreciatively.

'Durn if he wasn't so flabbergasted that he backed up back onto his boat,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif cheers wildly!

'Which warnt there no more,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

'Strongly willed woman, I take it,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

A young Portuguese waif giggles.

A sadistic lunatic throws her head back and cackles with insane glee!

Old Eli says, 'And so it was that Duke met Wilhemina.'

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

Old Eli says, 'Unfortunately for him, she knew who he was.'

'See, dunno if you remember that sermon I mentioned a while back?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli raises his eyebrow at an inquisitive Scotsman.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Aye, I remember.'

Old Eli says, 'Well, Wilhemina was that there minister's daughter.'

'Just back from normal school in Kansas City,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Well, Duke warn't no quitter.'

'He was bound to have her,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif smiles happily.

Old Eli says, 'He asked his friends.'

Old Eli says, 'He grew the beard out and tried to look like a shyster, with Jake's watch and all.'

A dirty Celtic lad whispers quietly to Old Eli. It sounded like 'Whas a shyster?' to you.

'But he never did get close to Wilhemina Baird,' Old Eli says.

'A lawyer, probably,' a hyperactive five-year-old says to a dirty Celtic lad.

'Why lad, a shyster's a lowdown rotten schemin forked tongue backstabbin sneaky wrong-side-of-the-sheets of a lawyer,' Old Eli says to a dirty Celtic lad.

'Which is to say, all of 'em,' Old Eli says to a dirty Celtic lad.

Old Eli wheezes with laughter.

A hyperactive five-year-old giggles.

Sabella giggles at Old Eli.

An inquisitive Scotsman rolls around on the ground with laughter.

A sadistic lunatic giggles at herself, she must be nervous or something.

Old Eli says, 'As I was saying, it took three years, and Duke never did get close to Wilhemina Baird, not with invitations and teas or nothin.'

Old Eli says, 'Not until he did the unthinkable.'

'The unberable,' Old Eli says.

'What he thought a man could not endure and live normally afterwards,' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'He changed his sex?'

Old Eli says, 'But that was what it was to win her heart, so...'

Old Eli says, 'He went to church.'

A sadistic lunatic faints.

'Bathed?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Oh,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'And sure enough, six month later, the minister had run out of reasons, and his daughter and Duke were married,,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

'Bathed?' Old Eli says. 'BATHED, you say?'

Old Eli snorts derisively.

A young Portuguese waif meeps.

Old Eli says, 'Let me tell you about the water situation in those parts.'

'He shoulda bathed, she mighta sayd yes,' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

'Or changed his clothes,' an inquisitive Scotsman says. 'Either could be worse.'

'You maybe remember that creek where Duke near got hisself shot?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli peers around the room intently.

A hyperactive five-year-old nods her agreement with Old Eli.

Old Eli says, 'Santa Anita, was called.'

A young Portuguese waif shakes her head.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'Aye.'

Old Eli says, 'Well, that there was the LAST ground water before El Paso.'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'What'd they DRINK?!'

'Oh.......' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'And it was a good hunnerd mile NORTH of Corpus.'

Old Eli says, 'Bathin--what a blamed stupid idea.'

'So it wasn't exactly bey choice?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Oh, there was wells by Corpus,' Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old. 'But not out in the Dead Horse Desert, no ma'am.'

'Why didn't they dump water on themselves?' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'So they showered?'

A hyperactive five-year-old wouldn't marry a stinky guy.

'The Colorado empties out a ways to the north, there's water undergound by the coast,' Old Eli says to a hyperactive five-year-old.

'Shower?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli rolls around on the ground with laughter.

Old Eli says, 'A shower was a bucket dumped on yer head--by a maid if you were rich.'

An inquisitive Scotsman grins evilly at Old Eli.. wonder what he's thinking...

'There were better uses for a bucket of water, I'll tell ye,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman splashes water all over Old Eli - wanna join in the fun?

Old Eli snickers softly.

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'For the horse?'

Old Eli says, 'Well, Willy was a feisty girl.'

Old Eli says, 'She wasn't about to marry a rich nogood ex-smuggler.'

'And so one of the things that Duke hadda do to get her hand was to make himself specktable,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And he did, sorta.'

Old Eli says, 'He traveled down into Mexico, and bought up the Spanish deeds to the land around the Santa Anita.'

'He couldn't quite figger out who owned it all, or where the lines were drawn neither,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'So each time he found what looked like it adjoined, he bought it.'

'Mexico needed money, they was gearin up to invade Texas anyway, so they gladly took his cash--and he figgered they didn't have a chance of winning, so why not pay for their guns and butter?' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'When it came down to it, He had bought a lot.'

Old Eli says, 'He paid somethin' like 88 cents an acre.'

Mad-Max gasps at Old Eli.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'How many acres?'

'When he got back to Corpus and put all the maps together, it turned out he had bought hisself something resembling the size of Rhode Island,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman gapes

Mad-Max blinks.

Mad-Max faints.

An inquisitive Scotsman says, 'D'ye happen t' know where I can get something like that?'

Mad-Max giggles at an inquisitive Scotsman.

Old Eli says, 'Only problem was--it was basically all the Dead Horse Desert.'

Old Eli says, 'Well, the day that he and Willy was married, he set off for his new ranch.'

'It was their honeymoon,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli smiles toothlessly.

Old Eli says, 'And it was on the banks of the gentle Santa Anita.'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'He took a bath, right?'

'Which meant, of course, that they set off in a buckboard wagon with twenty armed outriders to keep the bandidos off,' Old Eli says.

'Any of ye ever ridden a hunnerd miles on a buckboard in the desert?' Old Eli says.

'What's a buckboard?' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

Old Eli says, 'Ye takes a wagon, and ye removes anything comfortable about it.'

'Like riding th' rail. (o and I dunna mean railroad,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Just sit on the ground in a wagon being pulled by horses and no roads?'

'The driver, he sits on a flat plank,' Old Eli says. 'The passenger sits next to him.'

A hyperactive five-year-old says, 'Eew!'

Old Eli says, 'Behind that you pile up the travel goods, whatever they might be.'

Old Eli says, 'In this case, it was enough to feed th' twenty armed outriders, plus the happy couple.'

'Or rather, the happy groom and the increasingly miserable bride,' Old Eli says.

'Bout midway there, the breeze rose,' Old Eli says.

An inquisitive Scotsman smiles happily.

'Why was she miserable?' a hyperactive five-year-old says.

'Let him come t' that in his own time, me lassie,' an inquisitive Scotsman says to a hyperactive five-year-old.

Old Eli says, 'Duke turned to his wife and said, "Cover yer mouth, Willy. Might wanna cover yer hair."'

Mad-Max peers at himself myopically.

'Aye, aye....' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

An inquisitive Scotsman polishes his glasses.

A hyperactive five-year-old peers at Old Eli, looking him up and down.

Mad-Max sniffs sadly.

Old Eli says, 'And she said "Why must I cover my hair and mouth? I am no Arab princess and you are no satrap--and the night is lively, though I think my muscles will protest their treatment at the hands of this conveyance."'

'She talked like that, but warnt her fault,' Old Eli says. 'Ye kin blame Kansas City.'

'And Duke said, "Well, suit yerself, but the breeze is risin, and I can't be blamed for the butterflies."' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And she said "Butterflies? How lovely! Who would have thought that this forsaken land would offer such loveliness..." and trailed off, 'cause then she saw them coming.'

'Now, when the breeze rises in the Dead Horse Desert, so do the butterflies,' Old Eli says. 'Not a couple. No, more like several thousand.'

Old Eli says, 'I hear that these days, what with the land all cultivated, there's less... just as well.'

'They fell on you like a blanket,' Old Eli says.

'They caught yer hair, and cactus pollen got in yer eyes,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif says, 'Ick!'

'Hmmmmmmmm....' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli says, 'They flew into yer mouth.'

Old Eli says, 'Wilhemina actually did something that Duke had been eaggerly waiting for ever since he had met her.'

'She said "Durn." Actually, she used the word not fit for the ears of younguns,' Old Eli says.

Mad-Max goes EEK! at Old Eli in distress - isn't Old Eli an awful person for teasing?

'And then it was that Duke knew they might make a marriage out of it, cause how can two folks marry if they don't speak the same lingo?' Old Eli says.

A hyperactive five-year-old rolls around on the ground with laughter.

A young Portuguese waif giggles at an inquisitive Scotsman.

Old Eli says, 'Well, That night the buckboard was their marriage bed.' 'But I won't go into any details,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'There weren't any.'

Mad-Max giggles.

A hyperactive five-year-old giggles.

'What about th' driver,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

A young Portuguese waif giggles.

Old Eli says, 'Not with twenty armed men ten feet away.'

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

'I would!' Mad-Max says.

Mad-Max throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

Mad-Max peers around the room intently.

Mad-Max blinks.

An Arabian mystic rolls her eyes, exasperated with Mad-Max.

'And it was a few days later that they crested what passes for a hill, and saw the tiny sliver of green that was the Santa Anita Creek,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, '"La Bendita Agua Ofrecida Por Santa Anita" on Duke's maps.'

'Which roughly translates to "Thank God, WATER!"' Old Eli says.

'Oh,' an inquisitive Scotsman says. 'So they didn't just HAVe enough FOOD for twenty armed men, they added th' men too?'

A hyperactive five-year-old rolls around on the ground with laughter.

An inquisitive Scotsman chortles with amusement.

'They needed the men,' Old Eli says to an inquisitive Scotsman. 'There was only one pitched fight on the way, but Duke couldnta handled all the bandidos himself.,.'

'Ah!' an inquisitive Scotsman says to Old Eli.

Old Eli says, 'So Willy she climbs down off the buckboard.'

'Her air is all twizzled up like she got her head stuck in a chimneysweep's day,' Old Eli says.

'Her laces are coming loose, and her corset is grimy,' Old Eli says.

Mad-Max smiles at Old Eli.

'A dead butterfly falls out of her skirt,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'She's got a smudge up one side of her face, and a splinter in her ear.'

Old Eli says, 'Duke thought she had never looked better.'

'And she looks around, and drops the silly Kansas City talk, and wearily says, "This is your land?"' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And Duke says, "Near as I can reckon."'

Old Eli says, 'And she says "How much of it? Where's the boundary?"'

'And Duke shrugs,' Old Eli says. 'He waved a hand all the way around him clear to the horizon--not a tree, not a smoking fire. "All of it."'

Old Eli says, 'She doesn't quite think he's right in the head, mind you. "All of it? You mean to tell me, Duke, that you own everything we can see. I won't tolerate no lying on MY ranch, mister."'

'And he gets abashed and says, "No, all of it. I don't rightly know where it ends, but it's probably mroe than you can see."' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'And she gets this look of wonder on her face.'

'And Duke didn't notice the way she said "MY ranch" though he'd lost it already,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

Old Eli says, '"Well," she said, lookin down at the sand and the scorpion by her toe. "I think we've got some work to do."'

'And durned if she didn't build that ranch--they called it the Santa Anita Ranch in those days, but we know it today as Duke Ranch,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli says, 'Largest ranch in the world,the place where cowboys were born, and the place where stockyard runs to Kansas City first began.'

A young Portuguese waif giggles.

Old Eli says, 'But that's a story for another night, when the lamps ain't burning quite so low, and a body ain't got such a powerful thirst.' A young Portuguese waif smiles at Old Eli.

Sabella cheers for Old Eli - huzzah!

'Can I hear more of your stories sometime,sir?' a young Portuguese waif says to Old Eli.

'Thank ye kindly, and y'all kin go back to yer racket again,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli snorts derisively.

An Arabian mystic smiles at Old Eli.

'Please?' a young Portuguese waif says to Old Eli. An inquisitive Scotsman gives a round of applause.

'Why, I figger I'll be a-telling my yarns till I die, which ain't that far off,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli throws his head back and cackles with insane glee!

Old Eli rubs his hand through his hair.

A young Portuguese waif beams delightedly.

'Scar gets to itchin' some nights, and then I gotta yarn,' Old Eli says.

A young Portuguese waif hugs Old Eli.

'Let's form a society of bards, then, sir,' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

Old Eli grins toothlessly.

'Now, I ain't the joinin' kind, sorry to say,' Old Eli says.

Old Eli shrugs helplessly.

A young Portuguese waif sniffs sadly.

Old Eli says, 'I'll be hapy here with my whisky--where is it anyhow?'

Old Eli pokes Sabella in the ribs.

Old Eli turns back to nursing his drink, and ignores all further talk.

'Before you all go...,' Ptah says.

Ptah says, 'I'd just like to let you know that the story you have been listening to is largely a true story.'

'Richard King was indeed an apprentice in the north who ran away, became a riverman, and made a living running cotton and guns during the Civil War,' Ptah says.

Ptah says, 'He married Henrietta, a schoolteacher in Corpus Christi, and they together founded the King Ranch, which is still the largest ranch in the world.'

Ptah says, 'If you come back for the NEXT story, maybe you can hear about how the Santa Anita Ranch grew into a cattle concern, where they got the water, and where they got the workers.'

'So this story, of the most part it true...' Mad-Max says.

Ptah says, 'Oh, even the boat encounter is true, though Richard King never fell off it. :).'

A young Portuguese waif says, 'I want to hear it now!'

Mad-Max giggles.

'So, where be th' next story, and when?' an inquisitive Scotsman says.

'Sorry, that's all you get tonight,' Ptah says.